Loch Norwort Hotel, Farnish

This is the premier hotel on the Isle of Farnish (actually the only 'true' hotel). Grobius has asked me to make details for this ad, but I don't really know how to go about it so I just put up the floor plans and added a few comments. If you want to know prices, make reservations, and things like that, please e-mail Grobius.
-- Mother Mitherglew

This building was built in 1887 on the site of an older building that seems to have been a castle (there are remains of earthworks and a moat, and the foundations of the gatehouse towers are medieval). It was obviously intended to serve as a hotel rather than a private mansion. Unfortunately, it was not very well designed to function as a hotel, as there is little interconnection between the guest rooms, the public areas, and the servant quarters. What makes up for this is the extremely Gothic Romantic style and the fact that it makes no pretense of being a Hilton or Holiday Inn. You can truly have a unique experience here, one that you will never forget (for better or worse).

Adam Mitherglew is the porter and Abigail Mitherglew is the office manager; they live on premises in the gate towers; nicer people you will not meet on Farnish.
-- Grobius

Suites are lettered A through E, rooms 1 to 13; lavatories are marked with a "w" on the plan -- these have been upgraded recently in the guest areas to contain hot showers (no coin in the meter either!), but for a full bath, please go to our bath house in the stable yard, which contains a sauna, hot tub, traditional baths, and a gymnasium. Even so, in most cases you will have to share a loo -- after all this is an English hotel.

We have thirteen individual guest rooms (double or single) and five suites, with varying degrees of comfort and space. There is also a fully licensed restaurant and a public bar. The Outer Court, reached from the building by a picturesque postern gate underneath the kitchen chimney via the cellar, contains our 'workrooms' -- bakery, brewery, smokehouse, etc. -- and also the stables where you can rent ponies and donkeys for excursions on the island. There is also a car park and a games field -- tennis, cricket, badminton, bowls, you name it! Our normal meals are served in the Great Hall in the 'you-get-what-we-serve-you' tradition, but we also have a private dining room and if you rent a suite we will serve whatever you order in your own parlour.

Amenities: Farnish is a feudal feof and does not fall under parliamentary rules of Great Britain, hence not licensing hours -- our services are available at any time as long as there are customers and one of our staff still awake.

The Loch Norwart Hotel provides great-hall banquets (price fixe, no choices) at 7 PM on any night there are more than 20 customers or if you arrange a banquet ahead of time; at any other time, order from our a-la-carte menu. For more intimate dining, we have a private dining room. If you just want to get happily drunk, please go to our public house, which has a small saloon bar for ladies or people who do not brook rowdiness. There is also a card room, invitiation only, for gentlemen gamblers -- this is strictly private as we do not run a 'house'. For guests who just prefer to read, we have a fine library of thrillers, swashbucklers, mysteries, romances and other frivolous entertainment (nothing scholarly because people don't come here for that*).

[* I tell a lie! One of our regulars comes here every August with a trunk full of books and hardly ventures out of his suite the whole time except to go to the saloon -- he has a lock on Suite A during that month, leaving only B for guests who do not or cannot manage stairs.]

Curio Room and Number 13: These are rather esoteric areas for adults only, who have been vetted by us. Sorry about that, but contact us if you are interested and can come up with a convincing excuse and can afford the special rate. Rooms 11 and 12 have the best views and are now totally fitted up with PC computers -- great for older kids.

Description: Most notable feature is the two-story-high great hall (restaurant) situated over the gateway, porter's lodge, and hotel office; the ground floors of the gate towers house the porter and secretary. Between the towers in front of the entrance there is a logia in the Scotch Renaissance style. There are two more towers at the back, connected by a gallery overlooking the lake. Most of the stairways connecting the floors are circular turnpikes -- which is unfortunate logistically both for guests and for moving furniture. In the center is an elongated hexagonal courtyard with corbelled statues of the giants Gog and Magog at the pointy corners, the outer sides of which corners are capped by 'candle-snuffer' turrets.

From the hotel, there is a good view of Lake Norwort House (private)

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