The Cripplewort Theatre -- Farnisham

Programme for August 1999

We now have a Doobie Surround System, not quite Dolby, but we cannot afford that
Please note our new policy about food and drink in the theatre. Owing to complaints during our last tourist season, pickled herring and fish & chips will no longer be served. Popcorn will be discontinued because it was not cost-justified (the machine, an American industrial-sized thing, just made too much and it all went stale for lack of patronage). Our concessionaire will henceforth only serve Smarties and other dry-wrapped confections. The only drink permitted is Shlug or water -- cola drinks when spilled make the floor sticky.
-- Samantha Mitherglew,
Manageress & Reviewer


Herring from Harrod's of Gelling -- so fresh it smells like meat!

All programmes, unless otherwise specified, begin at 5 o'clock sharp
  • Aug 1: Sabbath -- closed
  • Aug 2: The Zombies of Mora Tau (movie)
  • Aug 3: Shane (movie)
  • Aug 4: Siegfried Humperdink (Engelbert's brother) song fest [mark this on your calendar!] -- 8 PM
  • Aug 5: Mrs Minniver (movie)
  • Aug 6: Mrs Minniver Meets the Three Stooges (movie)
  • Aug 7: Salmon Rushdie making a rare appearance to recite from his latest book -- please come!
  • Aug 8: Sabbath -- closed
  • Aug 9: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (movie)
  • Aug 10: Long Day's Journey Into Night by our Local Thespian group, starring Hamish Shortling -- you had better not miss this
  • Aug 11: ditto
  • Aug 12: ditto [you have had 3 chances, so there's no excuse] -- 8 PM
  • Aug 13: Snow White -- again (movie)
  • Aug 14: Special matinee: Punch & Judy Beat on Barney (have no idea what this is but the puppeteers are famous in Chicago) -- 2 PM
    The Kennel Murder Case (movie} -- 8 PM
  • Aug 15: Sabbath -- Gelling Girls' Choir Ides Hymn-fest -- 2 PM
  • Aug 16: Casablanca (movie)
  • Aug 17: Play It again Sam (movie)
  • Aug 18: Rodney Smythe and the Testosterones -- one of those awful rock groups (stay away from this!)
  • Aug 19: The Pirates of Penzance -- a minimal cast version by our own Dolly-Cart ensemble, you must see!
  • Aug 20: ditto -- 8 PM
  • Aug 21: ditto [and if you have not seen it yet, you are barred from this place]
  • Aug 22: Sabbath -- closed
  • Aug 23: Day of the Triffids (movie)
  • Aug 24: Macbeth -- John Gielgud doing a reading (no other players)
  • Aug 25: Star Wars: Episode 1, The Phantom Menace (movie)
  • Aug 26: ditto (and this Queen Armadillo is supposed to be coming here that day on a tour to sign autographs)
  • Aug 27: ditto -- what is this thing that I am forced to show it three times?
  • Aug 28: Grobius Shortling recital of Beowulf in Old English -- 9 PM
  • Aug 29: Sabbath -- London Philharmonic concert (well the 10 of them that are not on vacation) -- 4 PM
  • Aug 30: nothing scheduled today
  • Aug 31: Annual pancake flippers ball. -- 7 PM